I sat in a circle, surrounded by women steeped in magic and meditation. A soft humming played overhead and you could feel the room vibrating with the energy of so many women activated together.
I laid my body on the ground, heart to the floor, hands outstretched, and I felt it.
A gaping wound in the left side of my lower stomach. It was the size of my fist, and while I could tell I should be afraid, adrenaline flooded my body so intensely the pain barely existed. I could feel the warm stickiness of not just blood, but magic leaking out at a rapid pace.
I was going to bleed out.
No. I largely already had.
My hands pressed into the wound, trying their best to stop the leaking, because I knew more than anything that if I didn’t protect that space, I might not survive the next blow.
But something else was happening. A call to create. I could see threads of light floating around me, asking to be woven into a vision I’d been dreaming for ages. Magic waiting to be created. Landscapes waiting to be shaped. I could hear the Divine calling me “It’s time to move. This is your calling.”
But the second thing I knew more than anything was that if I let go of that wound… I would bleed out. Every bit of life force I had, physical and magical, would be gone…
I needed to let go to create. But if I let go, I couldn’t protect myself.
I felt the fight in my body, and I said “If you want me to create this, YOU have to protect me.”
The moment I did, I felt someone else’s hands on my body. It wasn’t just me reweaving the story. I shifted and moved, repatterning my body with the same tools I teach my students, while a sister worked on my behalf at the same time.
And I realized something.
We often call out into the universe and ask God to create a miracle on our behalf. We say “SHOW ME then! Do the thing!”
But miracles can’t happen if you won’t move.
Nothing could be done unless I could let go of the inherent need to protect myself. To let go of the wound, not to try and make it something better or reframe it into something helpful, but to say “I release control”. Hands up. Heart open. Allowing the wound to flow freely in surrender… and allowing myself to be caught against all logic.
Spirit is asking… “My love, are you willing to surrender?”
And often, our brains say yes, but our body says, “I can’t.” “I’m afraid.” “I won’t survive.” “I wont be able to take care of myself.”
But the moment you do, you gain access to a level of magic that is inconceivable… You see, I’d been operating at 5% thinking it was 100%. And what I’ve tapped into since has brought in the kind of innovation, magic, and vision that has allowed me to create something everyone before told me was impractical and impossible… but it’s coming to life as we speak.
I’ll share more next time.
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